“You’re not good enough.” “You’re going to fail.” “Everyone else is so far ahead.” “You really messed that up, didn’t you?”
This is the voice of the “inner critic.” It’s that harsh, relentless narrator in our heads that seems dedicated to pointing out every one of our flaws.
For most of our lives, we do one of two things with this voice:
- We believe it completely.
- We try to fight it, silence it, or destroy it.
Both of these strategies are exhausting, and both will fail. There is a third, more powerful way: to understand that your inner critic is not your enemy.
It is your scared, over-protective security guard.
The Critic’s Real Job
Your inner critic is not you. It is a primitive, automatic part of your mind’s survival system.
Its job is simple: to protect you. It’s trying to keep you “safe” in the “tribe.” It’s trying to prevent you from being rejected, laughed at, or cast out.
To do this, it has one very clumsy tool: criticism. It believes that if it yells at you first—if it points out all your flaws before you take a risk—it can stop you from doing something that might lead to failure or embarrassment.
- It says, “Don’t try, you’ll fail,” because it’s trying to “protect” you from the feeling of failure.
- It says, “You’re not good enough,” because it’s trying to “protect” you from the judgment of others.
It’s a “safety” feature that is stuck in a loop. It’s a security guard that is so terrified of a break-in that it has decided to lock you in the house.
The “Illusion” We Live In
The illusion is that this voice is us. We mistake this scared, primitive program for our “true self.”
When the critic yells, “You’re a failure,” we don’t just hear it; we become it. This is the central “illusion” that causes so much of our suffering. We believe the story.
This is the entire art of de-illusion: learning to see the storyteller as separate from the story.
How to Work With Your Critic (Instead of Fighting It)
You cannot win a war with your own security system. The harder you fight it, the louder it will scream, because it thinks the “threat” is getting worse.
Instead, you must change your relationship with it.
This is the core of the Passenger’s Paradox. You are not the panicked “driver” (the critic). You are the calm “passenger” who can hear the driver yelling.
The next time your critic flares up, try this:
- Stop and Listen: Don’t fight the thought. Don’t believe it. Just observe it. “Ah. There is the ‘you’re not good enough’ story.”
- Translate the Fear: Ask, “What is this voice really afraid of right now?” The answer is almost always failure, rejection, or uncertainty.
- Say Thank You: This is the most powerful step. Mentally, you say, “Thank you for trying to keep me safe. I hear you. I know you’re just trying to protect me.”
This simple act of acknowledgment does something profound. It stops the war. You are no longer fighting your guard. You are calming your guard.
You can then add, “I know you’re scared, but I’m going to do this anyway. We’re safe.”
Your inner critic is not a monster. It’s a terrified part of your own mind. Stop trying to kill it. Just listen, thank it, and then go on with your life.
